


heather

by ohmyhozi (hoshikkj)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, Multi, Song fic, based on the conan greys's song, but not so much, i guess, its a sad song, so its a little bit sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshikkj/pseuds/ohmyhozi
Summary: Did you also say she looked good in that sweater, Tsukki? I guess you did.orTsukishima has a girlfriend and Yamaguchi just wish things to be as before.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	heather

**Author's Note:**

> ok so... english isn't my first language, so I'm So Sorry (if there's some mistakes, please message me pls). I'm not used to write angst but i was Sad so... here we go ig

I stilll remember about that day. Third of December.

I slept by your side, on your bed. It wasn’t a big deal, though, because we did that kind of thing since middle school. For some reason, I, that used to sleep tightly, started to take some time to fall asleep and the sound of your heartbeats became to make feel more and more anxious. Until, at some point in the early hours, tiredness would beat me up and I would fall asleep for a few hours.

In the morning, I'd hope you'd wake up first, so I wouldn't be tempted to watch you in your sleep, but that never happened. You’re a heavy sleeper, Tsukki. After a couple of years, I started decorating every detail of your face. The shape of your nose, the cracks that form on your lips when it's cold, the way the eyelashes of one eye are more curved than the other. I'd spend hours waiting for you to wake up because I didn't want to bother you (or that's what I said to myself as an excuse to keep watching you in your sleep).

Sometimes you'd catch me looking at you, but the only thing you would say was "are you awake?" with a sleepy voice that made my cheeks blush. I always had to pick up your glasses at the bedside because you let me sleep at it’s side, even though it was your favorite spot in bed.

That day, I said I wanted to go downtown to buy some Christmas presents for the team. If I'd known what was going to happen, I never would have suggested that.

Winter was coming and silly me hadn't brought a coat. I knew you hated it when your brother borrowed your clothes, so i just said we could go out the other day, but you insisted:

“You can take one of mine”.

“But… you hate it when someone borrow your clothes, Tsukki”, I said.

“It’s ok if it’s you”.

Tsukishima Kei, do you know how fast my heart started beating at that moment? I know you said that without any pretense and that you've never seen me as anything more than a friend, but things like that made me imagine "what if...?".

I ended up getting a polyester sweater, the one you always said you hated. It had your smell mixed with the softener. While you were putting on the red scarf I had given you for your birthday a few years ago, you said:

“It look better on you, Yamaguchi”.

Maybe you realized I was blushing because you giggled. That laugh that made me angry in elementary school, but now, it made me even more embarrassed.

As always, we walked to the downtown. You were talking about something that had happened at summer training in Tokyo along with Bokuto and Kuroo. I never said that out loud, but I've always been a little jealous of your relationship.

I remember you asked me what I was going to do for Christmas, and in that moment, my hands froze.

“I’m staying home, probably. As always”, I remember saying, in a shaking voice.

“You can come over, if you want to”, you said, leaning to look at me. “We can watch a movie or something like that”.

“O-of course, Tsukki”.

I don't know exactly what made me so anxious at that moment, since we'd already spent a few Christmases together, maybe it was your tone a little kinder than usual, or how beautiful you looked wearing that red scarf. I never told you that, but I think red is your color.

You always complained when you were shopping with me because you used to say I'd go into too many stores and take too long in all of them, but you always ended up yielding and accompanying me all the way while drinking a bubble tea.

I was always asking for your opinion on what the boys would like to receive, but you seemed a little annoyed, so after the third store, I stopped asking. I would have continued if I'd known that was going to be one of the last times we went out together. I miss you so much.

When I finally found some cute gifts for our entire team and left you alone for a few minutes to pay the bill, it all happened.

I don't know how or what exactly happened, but when I came back to show you what I had bought, you were still, like a statue, almost dropping your tea and with a half-smile on your face. At first, I didn't understand what was going on, so she walked past us. Your eyes were shining. And I thought “What a sight for sore eyes, Tsukki”. She had long 'as black as the night' hair, big eyes like a cat and a beautiful smile. My stomach rolled as soon as I saw her, like I already knew what was coming.

“Tsukki?”, I called you. “Something happened?”.

You stared at me, but it was like you looked through me, like I wasn't really there. That hurted me a lot, did you know?

“That girl just gave me her number”.

“Oh… T-that’s nice, Tsukki”, I said, trying not to show my disappointment. You didn't seem to notice, so I guess it worked, right? Should I have made it clear that I hated it from the beginning? I don’t think so…

Even in my worst nightmares, I never would have imagined it would hurt so much to see you take her to practice and introduce her to _our_ friends. You had your arm on her shoulders... But what about _me_? I was cold too, Tsukki. Ever since the day you met her, I've felt cold.

Everyone was so excited to see you together, and could it be different? How could anyone hate her? She's such an angel. Even Kageyama, who didn't like you so much, seemed happy with the new couple. No one noticed, but she was wearing the same coat I had worn that day. Did you also say she looked good on it, Tsukki? Of course you did, she was your girlfriend, you had to spoil her a little bit.

“Yamaguchi!”, Hinata said, touching my shoulder. “Tsukishima’s girlfriend is _so_ cool and… hey, are you okay? You’re white as a sheet of paper”.

“I-I’m fine. I'm going to go outside a little bit, you can start practice without me”.

And then I ran. I ran away, making sure no one would see the thick tears coming down from my eyes to my neck. I hated myself for thinking that, but... I'd like her more if she was the one who was dying at that moment, and not me. It wasn’t fair. Why did it have to be her? Why is that? I've been by your side longer than I could count, Tsukki! I gave you your first stuffed dinosaur, I was on your side when you broke your arm, I was with you when you cried over your brother's lies. It was _me_. But I guess that's not how it works, right? I can't make you fall in love with me just because that's what I want.

I hid in the club room for a while, trying to stop crying, but the tears seemed to have no end, as did my thoughts. Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty as her. She makes you smile more than I do, doesn't she? Maybe I'm boring. You said you'd give me that sweater, but instead, you gave it to her. It's probably because she's more important to you, right? It’s okay, I think I’m starting to understand. I never got a chance to be by your side like that, did I? Even if I keep asking the heavens, every night, so that you never abandon me, I don't think I will be answered.

Then spring has come. You're still together. You seem very happy, Tsukki. And the thing I desire most in the world is your happiness. But... Why do I feel so empty? It's like every time you say her name, a part of me die. Am I being selfish? Even with all this pain, I think it would be even more painful not to be able to be around you, so I'm still by your side. Maybe hold your hand... No. I can't do it. I have to learn to stay in my place. It hurts, but that's how love is, right?

But, you know, it's okay. I'm still your friend, so know that I'll be here when you get married, or when your heart is broken. Because that's what _friends_ do. And I'll be here, fulfilling my role, even if, deep down, I wish I was _her_.


End file.
